


you better learn your lesson yourself

by jadeddiva



Series: sign your name across my heart [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 15:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadeddiva/pseuds/jadeddiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal wonders if this story has a happy ending.  Post 3x06.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you better learn your lesson yourself

**you better learn your lesson yourself**

Neal hates Neverland.  Nothing good has ever happened to him here, and nothing good ever will.  Even his rescue by Emma is not the joyous reunion that he wanted but, rather, the result of Pan’s machinations which means he knows way more about what Emma thinks and feels (and who she is kissing) than he really wanted to know.

The first night, at the campfire, he fields questions about his run-in with Pan and how he got here, and his father and where he might be. But mostly he sits and watches and tries to understand what he’s seeing.

Neal’s had a long time to study people – their faces, their body language, their actions which speak louder than their words.   He’s had a long time to study Emma, too, and he remembers her when they first meet – the way that she was so young and so very broken, how her face lit up at the very thought of happiness and home and at the very thought of _him_.  

He remembers Emma when he found her again, even more broken that he ever felt possible: the way that she turned away from him, kept her arms crossed over her chest, body tensed like a skittish animal ready to bolt at the first sign of a struggle.  There was the way that she looked at him with such sadness and exasperation and something else that he hoped, desperately, might still be love.

He also watches her with her parents, and with Hook.  With her parents, there is a physical distance that she maintains, the same that he always remembers her keeping when she is wary (he can hardly blame her, he feels the same with his father).  With Hook, though…

She turns into him.  Her eyes follow him when he moves, she looks for him when he’s not there.  And as for Hook, his body mirrors hers, his eyes follow her when she moves, he looks for her when she’s not there.

Something has happened between them, and Neal wonders why he wants to know so badly what it was.  He heard something about a kiss, but he tries very hard not to thjink too much about it.

He remembers when his mother left with Hook, and how his father reacted.  He remembers Hook later on, when he was not the dashing pirate that stole his mother’s heart but, rather, the bloodthirsty pirate that remained in the wake of her death.  Neal doesn’t like his father on most days so he can understand why she left him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt all these years later.  And despite all that Hook taught him, all that Hook meant to him, the fact that Hook may very well love Emma does not sit well in his soul.

…

They travel through the jungle, following paths that both Neal and Hook know from their days trapped here long ago.  He tries very hard not to feel jealous if Emma looks to Hook for guidance instead of him, but it is not easy.   He remembers everything that he told Robin Hood, everything that he told Mulan – he will do anything to get Emma back and reunite his family. 

There is a small part of him that wonders if maybe it’s too late – if the family he will reunite will not be his in the end.

He talks to her later about Hook, because he wants to know how she feels and if he has a chance.  His palms are sweaty and he is feels queasy, but he needs to know the lay of the land. He does love her, and he won’t stop fighting for her, but he doesn’t want to fight his old friend, and he doesn’t want to hurt her just to have her.

Emma is noncommittal.  She has nothing to say about the topic or if there is anything to say she doesn’t want to tell it to him - the walls go up, the barriers that she’s always kept in place growing stronger by the minute.

So he doesn’t push, he doesn’t ask, he just backs off and lets her talk to her parents and tries not to be too bitter when she keeps looking off into the distance, looking for Hook.

He takes the opportunity to find the pirate while Emma is distracted.  Hook is, surprisingly, sober, sitting on a rock, staring into the middle distance. 

“Hey,” Neal calls out.  Hook looks up at him, eyes weary.  Every day on the island is a reminder of all the other times and other people that have been here with them, and Neal can hardly blame the other man for being morose.  He knows it’s more than that, though.  This has everything to do with Emma, and nothing to do with ghosts.

“Baelfire,” Hook says.  He turns away, looks back at the ground.  Neal puts his hands in his pockets, feeling awkward, but he needs to figure this out.

“Thanks, for the cave,” Neal says.  Hook stands up and when he does, he is not the swaggering pirate but rather someone else, someone he might have been before everything happened.  It’s someone different, who Neal doesn’t recognize, and he wonders just what happened between Storybrooke and here (besides Emma, that is).

“You know it wasn’t for you,” Hook points out brusquely, and Neal tries not to look offended.  He’s got a pretty decent poker face when he needs it, and now is the time to put it to good use.

“I know,” he says, hands up defensively.  “And I can’t say I’m too happy about it, but it’s not up to me, is it?” Neal asks.   He feels on edge, because he doesn’t know if he wants to hear what Hook has to say even if he’s come out here to hear him say it.

“I don’t think either of us have much of a choice in this, do we?” Hook runs his hand through his hair.  He sighs.  “Bae, I wouldn’t have said anything if –“

Neal sighs.  “No, I get it.  To save me – to help Emma – you had to tell her.”   

Hook nods, and then turns away.   “And now she’ll have her family – or most of it, even if Charming can’t return from here.”

“We’ll find a way,” Neal points out, but Hook shakes his head.

“Unless you razed Neverland to the ground, and took Pan with you, Charming will not leave this island.”  Hook pauses.  “He knew the risks he was taking.”

“Since when did you only have one plan?” Neal asks, surprised and more than a bit angry.  “Since when did you stop having Plans B through Z?  You’re a pirate, Hook, you’re all about survival.”

That seems to agitate the other man more – Neal can see his body tense, his hook arm come up as if to protect himself from Neal’s verbal onslaught. 

“Do you remember how difficult it was to leave Neverland the first time?” Hook asks.  “Do you think it will be any easier, even with your father and Regina here?”

Neal is silent, wondering if he should be as resigned to his fate as Hook seems to be.  Emma and Henry are in his grasp, and even if he has to stay in Storybrooke, he’ll have them.  “I have faith that we’ll find a way,” he says finally.

Hook nods, smiles a tight smile. “I admire your optimism,” he says.  “And I will do my best to see that you get home.”

“What about you?  You can’t be okay with any of this.”  Neal waits and watches.  Hook shakes his head.

“You don’t get it, do you?  So many lifetimes, so many years and you don’t understand love,” Hook tells him, pinching the bridge of his nose.  “If you get home, and Emma is happy, then that is enough.”

Neal shakes his head.  “How can that be enough?”

“It can be for me.”  Hook starts to head further into the undergrowth, away from Neal, who lets him go.  He turns and heads back towards the camp.  He tries not to pay attention to the growing feeling – of unease, of uncertainty, of unhappiness – that seeps into his bones when he watches Emma with her parents, watches how she keeps looking into the jungle behind her for Hook.

He watches the next day, as Hook and Emma seem to communicate without words or, if they do, with sharp jabs and quips, bodies turned inwards towards each other – so unconscious in their actions that it’s painful to see. 

Maybe he doesn’t understand anything at all. 


End file.
